Gotta Be Somebody's
by hiddensunshine
Summary: Serena/Ryan. California. "Your too much." "I can't get enough of you."


_let the factory's rust  
he's the only thing I trust  
let the virus spread  
he's the silk lining in my bed_

::

When she asked to be sent away California was the last place on her mind.

She didn't want it to look like a repeat of her mom. Becoming the whole dirty underground Cali girl _was_ not her thing. But instead of the nice-looking mountainside school in Vermont her mom shipped her off to her past.

She was in the OC.

She lives in an apartment right on the beach. She's only a baby but there weren't dorms at her new school so her mom's latest squeeze (Bart was it?) faxed over the money and here she was. Alone and 16 looking at freshly painted walls with hippie furniture she took with heart buying.

She puts on the maroon colored uniform and hems her skirt so it's at about her ass and throws back her sunshine hair and decides to trust California.

(Don't get to comfortable)

::

She only takes up classes _she_ wants and suddenly she's surrounded by art history and photography with some others here and there. She embraces herself with the art and the whole new light of the Cali sun and ends up getting good grades for the first time, ever.

::

He stares at her she figures out. The boy in her architecture class. He has sandy blonde hair and some light scars behind his cheekbone she can spot. He's one of the most popular guys on campus but he still doesn't look like he fits.

Just like her.

He makes his move the next day as their filing out, eager to get to lunch.

"Hey beautiful." He says with a husky voice that makes her catch her breath for a minute. "Can I walk you to lunch?" Serena puts on her New York smile-the one that gets everything and nods. "Sure."

They eat in silence for the most part. She chews numbly on her salad as he looks through some photos of her's. The teacher had wanted to put some in the newspaper but she had rejected the offer with a smile. "I'd rather be unnoticed here." She whispered before hurrying out of the classroom.

"There really good." The blonde brooder says before leaning back and stretching out-obviously displaying his muscles. Serena fights back a grin and is about to say something when a tall _dirty_-blonde with the skinniest legs she had ever seen shows up behind them. The brooder looks kind of lost trying to apologize to Serena but she shrugs and excuses herself.

::

She later learns that day from a quiet girl in her ceramics class that the skinny girl at lunch is Marissa Cooper and is who everyone wants to be. Serena kind of nods and turns back to her pot before sighing. Nothing ever changes.

She eats alone the next day and sighs before ripping open her lemon pudding, fighting back tears she thinks of Blair and that makes her miss Nate with a burning sting beating in her chest, and that makes her almost miss home.

Almost.

::

"So I'm sorry." The Brooder says the next day when she's sitting on a bench in the school's gardens reading. She flings her hair back onto her back and does her signature shrug. "It's nothing, it was lunch." He still doesn't look convinced until she throws in one of her New-York smiles and then he cracks a bit and takes the sit next to her.

"So you know everyone's talking about you." He says as a cool breeze flows in from the ocean. Serena squints from the sun and almost laughs. Of course.

"Well I'm someone to talk about." She throws in smiling. He grins back and nods. "You most certainly are." She's about to get back to Romeo and Juliet when she feels his eyes on her.

He lifts up her chin-she half expecting him to brush back hair or something-but instead kisses her and soon she's surrounded by cologne and the ocean and sweat from soccer practice (His) and realizes it's the best kiss she's ever had.

(Yeah Nate.)

::

He meets her in the gardens again the next afternoon when school lets out and soon her books are thrown under the bench and she lets him take (two) buttons of her blouse. She giggles against him and maybe thinks that Cali isn't _so _bad.

He whispers his name to her as his aftershave clings to her neck. She likes 'Ryan' it suits him, strong and silent. After half an hour he says his folks might be wondering and she nods realizing that it's cute to have parents wonder.

Hers never did.

She lets herself wander on the weekends and laughs to herself when he pops up in the local diner she thought no one knew about. He's tanner (if possible) and wearing a Berkeley shirt when he sits down next to her. "You know some might consider this stalking." She murmurs. He snorts and leans back. "You can't walk away from a guy like that and not tell him your name beautiful."

She grins and shrugs (go figure) "Serena." He stares at her for a moment before answering. "Like a mermaid?" She laughs and nods. "Well it looks like California's better for a girl like you anyways, _Serena_." He says. She picks at his fries later on and he rolls his eyes and it's like they've known each other for years.

::

"So you're like dating Ryan Atwood now?" Marissa comes up to her one day at lunch when Ryan's taking an AP test. Serena doesn't really know what to say and she curses at herself for being so weak. "Why do you care?" She finally says. Marissa's deep green eyes pierce through her and she answers before grabbing her Chanel bag. "I don't, but you might. He's got quite a past."

Serena doesn't like what she says but pushes it to the back of her mind for the rest of the day. (More like the rest of the night)

"People like to talk about you too." She whispers as his arms wrap around her late one night at the lifeguard stand. The ocean's spitting in their face and she shivers in his soccer hoodie. "And?" He questions using a darker tone than usual. "It's nothing really just how you have a past and everything but so do I, so does _everyone_. I don't care." She says bringing his lips towards her. He's tense for a bit but relaxes when her hand slips under his waist.

"You're crazy you know that?" He smiles. "Oh I know."

::

There drunk when he decides to inform her that the nice Kirsten and Sandy Cohen she met last week aren't his _real_ parents. That his mom is a dead-beat addict who lives in Reno (He thinks) and his dad has never been around. He's got a jail record and a temper but hasn't been in real trouble in over a year. Serena twirls the beer caps around and nods before kissing him. She doesn't know quite what to say. Maybe she never has.

"I love you." He murmurs when the sun rises the next morning and their (still) drinking. She takes another sip of beer and shakes her hair out. That sunshine hair he likes (or loves now?) "You're drunk." She whispers. "Yes but I'm also with you, I'm always with you and when I am I feel like…floating…I don't know Serena you _get_ me. You always have." She looks down at the grass which is warm from them lying and sighs. "Ryan…_don't_."

::

It's funny she thinks, how they haven't had sex yet. They've been "together" for about four months now and it's all led up to this one thing. She used to think she was good at it but that was meaningless, _this_, was something she was almost scared about.

"I'm not gonna stop if we…" He breathes heavy into her neck one night when their at (her) apartment and she whimpers against his hand. "I know baby." He says one more time before she finds his waistband. "Now." She sighs. He smiles and breathes into their kiss as the lights go off and it's only them against the world.

::

He starts sending her poems every day after that. She smiles at each wrinkled note Seth (his best friend) delivers when she's out by her (their) bench and soon she's surrounded by lyrics of the ocean and nature and the sun and mermaids (his favorite) "Your too much." She giggles into his arms.

"I can't get enough of you." He whispers back.

::

She spends most nights in his room until they wonder why they're not at her unsupervised apartment and she looks at him for a minute and suddenly they're lying under her silk sheets feeling each other's heartbeats.

"I wanna get away from here." He whispers one hot night, a few weeks until schools out and she shifts from the sticky sheets and nods. "I know babe." "Promise you'll come with me?" He says once again. "Where?" She chuckles. "Anywhere, anytime. Just promise me." She nods shifting back against him ignoring the uneasy feeling she gets every time he uses that tone.

::

The first time he hits her she promises herself it was just because of the vodka they had and the game (he) had lost and also promises to never let it happens again as she goes the next morning to buy darker concealer.

She says that to herself the next few times until she actually starts to hurt.

And fear.

She counts her bruises and puts her face in her hands until she realizes what she must do. She must go back. Even if that means facing Blair and…Nate and even her mother. She can't do this anymore. She can't be sitting her floating in her California time capsule any longer.

She counts her (next month's) rent check and turns it in for a one-way ticket to New York. She packs her bags and skips a breath when she hears him at the door. "What…" He whispers when she lets him in. (Stupid)

"I have to go home Ryan…New York…my family needs me."

"But I need you baby." He protests. She feels the tears running down and finds herself giving up easy. "I love you but I have to go." She murmurs. And it's the truth really. She has and still loves him-even after everything.

He rubs her back but she stands still for awhile.

::

She goes to his room one more time before her flight and finds him drunk (Go figure) and horny. "Stay now please." He says with a tone but she shivers back and nods. "I'm leaving Ryan." She leans into him one more time and walks out before he can do anything.

"I meant it you know." He says when she gets to the doorway. Serena smiles sadly and turns. "I know." "Go and live baby." He slurs.

::

She doesn't want to leave despite everything and when she gets to New York she finds herself drinking more especially with Blair at her (And Nate) and one night burns everything of California memories she had or owned. She finds fresh tears rolling down as she thinks of him and her (together) their garden, her silk sheets, and the ocean.

She cries even more when she feels the ghost pain of the bruises she used to have and wonders how she ended up this way.

She was just supposed to be Serena.

The little mermaid.


End file.
